So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
