Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
