You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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