You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
