if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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