at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
