He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh god it's open bar.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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