I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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