And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
