I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
