i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
