If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
