:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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