in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize