Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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