I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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