Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
