i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
is that a dick in a sweater?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
