You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
