My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize