Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
