Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
