I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
