Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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