I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
