Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
