I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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