Cold hands, warm shart.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
