i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
