Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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