Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
