I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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