that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
