Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
