Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
