I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
