Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
