I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
