Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
