his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
