So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
