my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize