I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
barbara walters just said penis...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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