my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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