We're facebook friends in real life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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