You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
