On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize