I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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