she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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