walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
