Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
