I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
