Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
