I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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