I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
