and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
