How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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