i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
