giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
