don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize