...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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