Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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