I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
