got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
