Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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