I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize