And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
