no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
