my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
