Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
