He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize