do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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