She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
